Six Months Walkin'. No Nearer or Farther Away

Every day that we have been apart I've dreamed of you. In the beginning the dreams were new and painful variants on our break up. Over time they changed to dreams of being scorned. Then dreams of searching fruitlessly for you through the night. Lately they have had a new tone. First I dreamed of your mother. Oddly enough I stumbled across her in church (where we both know I'd likely not be). She reached out and gave me a huge warm hug. As she held on, I could feel that she was trying to heal me- of my pain, I think. Then she pulled back with a quiet smile and said something very peacefully about me expecting. All I could do is stammer and grow frantic as I explained that wasn't possible. I hadn't been with anyone since you... She simply smiled and said she knew. Then I spent the rest of that night's dreaming time searching for you through the crowd of church goers. In the last week or two the dreamscape has continued to change. I've found you now a few times. You've looked at me at first with delight and then fear. Moved to give me a kiss and then locked down. The next encounter you had decided to try and be friends. Only, 'being friends' was just a way to save pride while we all knew what we were really trying to do was come back together again. Last night? *sigh* Last night you came up behind me and slipped your hand into mine. So warm and real it took my breath away. While my eyes were closed with the ecstasy of the innocent contact, your lips found mine. That hand in mine, that kiss... They were more real to me than the feel of the keys under my fingers as I type this. I'm no dream interpreter. Sometimes dreams tell you very obvious things and then even I might stumble to the right conclusion. These dreams of mine, they leave me aching with loneliness. Six months and I still dream of you every night. Cry for you at least a couple times a week. Ache for your touch and hunger for the sound of your voice. How the hell do I get over you? I am so sorry that I can't seem to let you go. I know it's what you want. That my continued feelings for you are just an awkward inconvenience to you now. But damned if I know what to do differently. I've filled my life as full of the things and people I love as I can and yet there is still this yawning void where I feel you belong. *sigh* I'll keep on trucking, I guess. Meanwhile, happy early birthday my love.